You have to grow from the inside out. None can teach you, none can make you spiritual. There is no other teacher but your own soul.
Dabbling in Spirituality
I started dabbling in spirituality years ago. I had no idea what was coming, I wasn’t familiar with a spiritual awakening, I didn’t know breaking into a million pieces could be a good thing. I wasn’t expecting to be reborn.
It started 11 years ago, I picked up a book called “The Secret”. It sparked curiosity and I absorbed enough to intermittently experience the results of intention, aligning thoughts, feelings and stillness. But due to the irregularity of my practice I lost steam and went back to pushing and pulling my life into submission.
I spent the next 7 years pushing, pulling, blaming when things went wrong, taking all the credit when things went right, spinning around in the same ole unconscious patterns. I was incredible at wishful thinking, always praying for a thing to show up to make me feel good. Ya know, how most live.
I had no idea I was about to make two life-altering decisions. These decisions would be catalysts to my begging for mercy and screaming hallelujah all in the course of 3 years.
At first it felt like angst. I wanted to extinguish the angst so I looked for fixes. The search led me to meditation. I picked up the spiritual practice as a “why not” to assist with stress and anxiety. I turned to people like Gabby Bernstein and Deepak Chopra to stabilize my meditation practice. Next, a dear friend gifted me Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now”, I read it and “A New Earth” on a plane to Iceland. This sparked something in me.
It began happening. I had no idea what it was, something was off. I was agitated, sick of same old scripts that’d become my life and I wanted out. I’d been meditating and receiving guidance but the amount of crap I was processing felt too heavy to bear.
I was embarking on what would be my spiritual awakening. The process included stages, at times it looked like anger, sometimes depression, at times despair but all came with clarity and understanding. To the outside world it may have looked like something to manage or stop. But I knew in the deepest parts of my soul that this wasn’t a mistake. I had prayed for it but didn’t know how to navigate the depths within my body.
My soul awakening experience is uniquely mine as yours will be uniquely yours. With that in mind I want to share the 10 stages of my spiritual awakening process. My hope is you recognize a bit of you, judge yourself less in the hard times, trust more in the weird times and celebrate your growth through it all.
10 stages of my spiritual awakening process
You reach a point of heightened trauma and response. This can be a huge event like a death or prolonged toxicity with a point of no return. You stop functioning normally and enter survival mode. You’re despondent and unhappy with the state of your life. You feel unsupported or frustrated by those around you. You’re feeling deeply challenged and unable to process the magnitude of what’s happening. You no longer want to rely on others or things for your happiness. You begin to pull away from the outside world knowing the answers you seek aren’t there. It’s the “darkness of the soul” and you’re unsure where to find the light. The awakening has begun.
You get curious as you see the holes in what you were taught to believe. Reading, listening, researching, absorbing, you’re taking in as much new information as you can. This can cause those around you to get uncomfortable or even confrontational. You begin to get frustrated by those who continue to live with a “veil”. You’re pulling back from family and friends, feeling isolated and not understood. You begin to see new light in old patterns; you have intermittent hope in new experiences. But with this new light you still have deep rooted pain. You begin confrontation of emotions surrounding your past and those involved. You have curiosity around the way you chose to live your life. You begin to question everything.
This is the stage most people go back to sleep. You’ve come face to face with darkness and you can’t see the end. Fear begins begging you to turn back. Others may ask you to seek help so it all goes away. Fear says; “The worst will happen if you stay on this path”. Moving forward means taking a leap of faith over a dark canyon. Things around you are collapsing. Your beliefs, the way you’ve lived your life, the things that meant something all start to become meaningless or misrepresented. You feel caged. The ground you walk on tremors, you want to turn back. But what if you stay? Something shaky within you says stay.
Darkest of the Dark
It has all imploded. Everything has crumbled into your darkness. You resist the state of the world, the lies, the conditional love, the broken raising broken. You’re growing irritated and wonder the point of it all. You feel depressed and wonder how you can integrate into such a loveless world. You have the desire to be a lone wolf, to escape, to be with nature. The people around you don’t get it, and you’re done explaining. Suddenly there is no satisfaction in your life. You feel alone and lost, you start to question, “Is life worth it?”
You begin to realize changing the world doesn’t work but you’re unsure how to acclimate in the world like it is. You start looking within and applying self-awareness and compassion. With this small shift you change how you see the world and your world begins to change. You start feeling a greater sense of connectedness to something bigger. You’re referencing your higher self and you begin seeing others as inward beings. You may dive deeper into spirituality or study things like quantum physics. You’ve begun tapping into the feeling that you’re here for something bigger.
You’re so much more
You start to feel heightened connection to new things, nature, animals, the stars, the phases of the moon. You begin to feel connected to more than your eyes can see. Your consciousness is expanding and you save your time for deeper connections with those who get you. Your intuition and psychic gifts expand and you begin to feel your power. You begin to see the tiny miracles life serves to you daily. You can no longer deny that your thoughts, emotions and feelings shape your reality. Your life slowly begins shifting to support this.
What’s the Purpose?
This new awareness allows you to feel inner peace. You start understanding your highest purpose. Shifting away from the push and pull, you begin to relax into the greater power of energy and intention. You start seeing that your path to higher purpose is to be your authentic self. Your true self was hidden in the dark and it’s begging to come out.
- And there she is
Alignment with your true self has begun and ideas are bursting from you like a hot kernel of corn. Inspiration is never far away. Your life is flowering, your path becomes clearer. Abundance flows into your life through your passion and ideas. Your life is transformed and experiences you have reflect your higher vibe. Rough spots rise up, but you’re better equipped and process them differently.
- Not Alone
As your life unfolds you realize you’re not alone. Source is your partner in all you create. You realize when you surrender control and outcome life is better than imagined and flows. You know without a shadow of doubt you are being guided. Your spiritual gifts and intuition grow stronger and you stand firmly where you are.
Finally Unconditional Love
You understand that the entire awakening process was to bring you back to your natural state, unconditional love. You’re now able to experience what the world couldn’t give you. You have realization beyond your physical body. Understanding beyond labels and past conditioning. Peace with all that is.
Summing it up
There you have it, my spiritual awakening experience thus far, broken into stages. I still teeter between stage 9 and 10, thankful for the journey, happy I stayed the course and open to more unknown.
My spiritual awakening experience wasn’t easy-peasy but it led me to a more peaceful fulfilled life.
Do you feel like you’re going through a spiritual awakening?
If you are, you’ll sense it. You’ll feel a bit off and won’t know whether to solider on or retreat.
How does your experience differ from mine?
Last thing before I go. You’re not alone. Once it begins, pick up your head and look around. There’s millions of us.