You have probably heard the old cliché, “The best defense is a good offense.”
In the case of dealing with an energy vampire, this is certainly true. And, the first thing you have to do is admit that there’s a problem.
It’s often hard for empaths to accept that there are people who aren’t filled with love and light. The truth is, there really are predators out there who lack character, empathy, and compassion. The sooner you accept this, the safer and happier you’ll be.
In this live MasterClass, Dr. Northrup will take your questions and discuss topics related to her new book Dodging Energy Vampires including how to:
ASSESSING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
In order to determine if you are in a relationship with an energy vampire, you need to know how to correctly assess the character of others and yourself. You must recognize and correctly identify their manipulative tactics. You also need to be highly aware of the aspects of your own character that make you vulnerable to manipulation because the most powerful leverage a vampire has is the character of the victim. Energy vampires know how empaths will likely respond to their tactics. So, the more you know yourself and your own vulnerabilities (which may be strengths in all other areas of life except with a vampire) the less power energy vampires will have.
In addition to the super traits of conscientiousness, loyalty, and the patience of a saint, expert Sandra Brown, M.A. has identified a number of character styles that make women more vulnerable to manipulation. While Brown’s research and work have focused solely on women, these same traits make men similarly vulnerable.
Self-assessment – how many of these apply to you?
1.Extroversion and excitement seeking: Do you find that you often get into relationships with people who are extroverted and exciting? Does the idea of being in a “comfortable” relationship seem boring to you?
2. Relationship investment: Do you give great emotional, spiritual, physical, and financial investments to all your relationships—not just your intimate ones? Do you often feel as if you are giving 80 percent while the other people give only 20 percent?
3. Attachment: Do you have the capacity for deep emotional bonds? Do you form powerful bonds with people quickly? Do you form bonds that make you feel beholden or desirous to do anything asked by the other people in your relationships?
4. Competitiveness: Are you unlikely to run out on relationships? Do you stand your ground and fight for relationships to continue? (Keep in mind, we’re not talking about codependence here.)
5. Low harm avoidance: Do you assume that you will not get hurt? Do you see others as you see yourself and assume that they feel the same way?
6. Cooperation: Are you the can-do person who rolls up your sleeves enthusiastically when there’s a task to be done? With humor and enthusiasm? Are you apt to volunteer to help out? Do you tend to uplift every group you’re in?
7. Hyperempathy: Can you literally feel the feelings of others? Do you cry easily at movies, sad books, Hallmark television ads? Do you work in the healing professions?
8. Responsibility and resourcefulness: Are you the go-to person in your family or at work? The one who holds the “tribal memory” of the place—the person who remembers where the old contracts are kept and what the minutes of the meeting from two years ago said? Do you often end up in leadership roles at work or at home?
9. Self-directed: Are you a self-starter who works well without supervision? Are you highly motivated to learn new things, figure systems out, and solve problems?
10. Overachieving: Have you ever been called an overachiever? Do you find that you usually work harder than others and have a hard time resting and taking care of yourself? Psychologist Dr. George Simon, Jr., has also identified similar qualities that can become vulnerabilities in people at risk for manipulation:
11. Naïveté: Do you simply believe that people can’t possibly be as cunning, devious, and evil as your gut tells you they are? Do you assume that everyone is working toward the good of others?
12. Conscientiousness: Are you harder on yourself than anyone else? Do you give the manipulator the benefit of the doubt when he hurts you? Are you too willing to blame yourself when the vampire goes on the attack?
13. Low self-esteem and low self-confidence: Do you doubt that your needs and desires are legitimate? Do you have what it takes to face conflicts directly and effectively? Do you back down at the first sign of conflict and concede to the other? Are you easily manipulated by guilt and shame?
14. Intellectualization: Do you always try to understand and explain the behavior of others rationally and logically? And make the mistake of believing that there must be a reason why the manipulator is acting like he is? Do you get so wrapped up in trying to understand others’ points of view that you forget yourself? Do you have trouble accepting the fact that there are people in this world who fight too much and fight underhandedly just to get what they want?
Look at Yourself
Take a bit of time right now to think about the people in your life and your own character. Put on some soft music, light a candle, and let your mind wander.
Go down the list and ask yourself if you can relate to any of the characteristics mentioned above. Answer the questions above as honestly as you can.