Since my laptop is not working I will try to compile this information into one post. I am going to be journaling in this post and I will be very upfront about things so if that is not something someone is interested in then they are free to disregard this post. I am doing this at the library in town.
Today I was guided to wear all white. I’d be more smiley but Dark Nights of the Soul take a toll on the soul. I also dropped my contact lens holder and both contacts fell out and I had to put two new ones in (they fell out near the toilet, yuck). Even though I was mad, I think this symbolized a ‘new or fresh perspective’:
Just before I left today
The first thing was my prophetic dream where I saw Cobra’s latest post (which ended up being two words, ‘Delta Option’) shortly before he posted it (the 08:15 is AM):
Although I know a lot of people are getting prophetic information in their dreams, I just wanted to share this since this is what I am guided to do.
Now I would like to share a dream where, once again, ‘they’ are showing me being Jesus. (I don’t really believe it but I will share it nonetheless) The story in the dream leading up to this scene is rather funny actually:
November 4th 2018 07:11 AM
“So I had a dream where I had just come on shift at the hospital. A bunch of us were just getting ready by the elevators when all of the sudden one of the new girls says she’s going to throw up.
She tries to run for a trash can but doesn’t make it and throws up on us. It went all over me…everywhere. So some of us tried to order some temporary scrubs for her. I remember saying I will just go home and change.
So I got outside and take a picture of myself for keep’s sake lol. And when I examined the photo I looked at myself wearing a white robe and a golden circle above my head (halo). It was a photo that was of me but I was really small. I went to zoom in. It looked like Jesus. Then I found this chart that showed that those with a golden circle (halo) above their head was something a monk would have.
It was towards the top of the list I was looking at, indicating a sliding scale level of achievement. I was just reading about this in Dolores Cannon’s book ‘Jesus and The Essenes’ where people in Qumran community wore white as the ultimate achievement, they were the elders.”
Here is the passage that I was reading from ‘Jesus and The Essenes’ the night before:
“…Like the colour grey, it is for the young students. The colour green, they are a seeker. They are above the students’ level. They have finished that which everyone must learn, but they are still seeking more. They are still recently admitted. Their soul still thirsts for knowledge. They are still a student, but they are not a master. And there are the blue, which is the master. And there is the white which is the elder.
Dolores: Then when they get through studying, they will go away again. Did they choose these colours for a reason?
S: The blue shows a lot of the inner peace. It is almost up to the level of the white. The white is the ultimate in attainment. You are at total rest and have achieved all that must be achieved. The blue is just one step below this, if this is to be understood…”
Here is the best representation of the photo that I could make from the dream. The background wasn’t a galaxy, it was just dark outside and not a lot was visible, but I thought the galaxy would look nice:
I had another dream this morning which included the presence of Plato. I had another dream recently where Plato actually appeared and on a plaque below him it read “The P in Ph.D has arrived”. I am still unsure of what these particular dreams mean. In this latest dream I just saw Plato’s name in regular text in front of me and then a date in the same regular text appeared after that which I think was 11/11/18:
November 8th 2018, 04:03 AM
“Woman moved into new spiritually-rich house, saw Plato’s name and the date she moved into the house was the same date when he died. It looked like 11/11/18 I think, it was kind of creepy in some parts, morbid. The entire interior was nature (grass, trees, etc.) No carpet. She was a friend and teacher. She spoke French and another friend I used to work with was there.”
I found an interesting synchronicity which came from one of QAnon’s most recently posts. They posted a bible verse, which happened to have some connections to the magic number 410 and Pi:
If we see the 16:13 as military time it would be 4:13 which is Pi backwards. And if we enter this verse into the gematria calculator we get 205 using the biblically-derived cipher, which is half of 410:
Another special verse they gave me during this Dark Night was the following:
The gematria value of this verse is 1611, the year the King James Bible was published:
This number appears occasionally in the most amazing ways. Just recently I found it on a little heater my mom let me use:
Now I’d like to share the journaling part. I’m gonna be totally open here. After my laptop broke I thought it was over for me. I thought about how I had lost my career in medicine, I spent almost a third of my life working in a hospital, I was sure that was what I was always going to do, even though I hated it. I was good at it. And then the wage garnishment started which brought my income down to the point where I couldn’t afford my bills anymore.
Then I gave away all of my things, then I had to move in with my brother and his wife, which was also humiliating. Then I had to move in with my mom. I love my mom but I’ve learned living together does not work very well. And this has been the case, although she and my step-dad have been very kind to me. Despite the kindness I have experienced from them and from those reading this, the situation still feels very undignified. I was totally independent and now I have to depend on others. It is one of the worst feelings for someone like me.
During this latest Dark Night (don’t most people only just go through one of two of these in a lifetime?? It is happening almost every week or so now..) like all the others I felt like I wanted to die. This is what happens when someone goes through this. This process does not allow for any kind of help or alleviation of the sequence of events which leads to its conclusion. Those who have been through this will already know this.
And many times I consider leaving the physical plane (taking my life) using my medical training (which I would rather not share). I know the quickest and most painless way to go. But I have learned that ‘they’ will not let me die. ‘They’ will not allow me to leave the physical plane. I have learned this from a few near-death experiences years ago (drug deal gone bad and an overdose from ecstasy.)
And when I went to purchase the things I would need to do this I was blocked about 4 times with the same message:
So then it became clear that not only do I have to continue to experience these Dark Nights and come out of them, but I must remain here on Earth until my mission is over, whatever that happens to look like. Another strange thing that happened was that when I was visualizing how I was going to pull this off the number 33 kept appearing as part of the scene where I was. It was like a watermark, and I couldn’t get rid of it.
Then earlier this morning while I was trying to visualize this again ‘they’ added some metallic cuffs to my arms so I couldn’t do what I wanted to do. I also felt that ‘they’ began to raise my vibration in my body and blocked me from visualizing this any further.
I think it’s important to be able to share these kinds of experiences and emotions publicly because I know many people are going through hell and they feel like they can’t talk about it because people will think less of them. But in reality, we are all traumatized from living here and everyone needs to be able to express themselves without worrying about being judged. Which is why I share these things openly. It’s the same with sex. The only way to make it more publicly-accepted is to just talk about it openly.
I am still not in the best mood but I am feeling much better than before. I believe this was ‘them’ doing work on me somehow. All I want is for all of this to be over. I’m sure many can relate with this but my soul is tired. I feel old, and I want to move on already.
This is everything for now, I hope I have not scared anyone away, but I felt like these things had to be written, perhaps someone else is experiencing this and they need to know someone else is going through it. Feeling alone is not fun. Love you all.